miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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