I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
