I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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