You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
