Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
