I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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