Im at strip club and am horny
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
