i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
