I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
