It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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