My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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