Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
