ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
