I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
