can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
