in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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