I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
