sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
