Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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