You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
