who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
