the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
