Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
