btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
