I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
