John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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