nut hugger
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
