pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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