She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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