Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
