oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
