if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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