it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
