last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
