The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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