Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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