We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
