Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize