his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize