Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
