I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
