Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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