i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
