I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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