Can i not drive my cunt home
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She's not a foreskin expert like you
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
