All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
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