Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize