do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
