dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
