i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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