You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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