I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
