Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
