Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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