He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
