I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
