Kiss
Puke
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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