I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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