i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
