Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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