You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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