I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
